شب بخیر کوچولو!

First of all, let me tell you that I am a survivor. I truly believe that and don't worry about me.
Second, you are all aware of my empty love life or in my Aunt's words "the lack of love life!". you also know (at least I hope you do!) that this emptiness is not because of religious status or something! It is solely and truly because of Me.
I can't connect!
honestly it's really hard for me to connect. first it was the grief, then came the memories and now no matter how hard I try ( and Oh yeah, I try!) I can't see it or feel it. I push all the memories away and try to see with fresh eyes but still...
then comes the moment (sometimes this moment is more of days!) when I wonder if it did really happened? maybe I imagined the whole thing. maybe my mind is playing a really nasty game with me. maybe I lost my mind many years ago and I don't know it!!
Then it's time for vivid dreams. yeah! and (no surprise there!) He is in all of them. and every time, I wake up my heart racing.
No! they're not nightmares. they are good dreams, actually kind of too good! and that's sort of painful and unhealthy and good and irresistible and lovely all at once!
that's it
that's how I live now
I just wanted to fill you in with my life and all
Maryam
US
1.28.2012